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Bathroom Eating Cleaning TV Funny Life Love Work SleepBathroom
HELP! I'm trapped in the toilet, I fell in. Can you please help me... Hello... Hello.. Uh-oh i think someone is comin
Doctors suggest that you should drink at least 64 oz. of water a day. Being a drone, I make sure to do this. Unfortunately it does have some side effects... Leave a message, I'll be back soon.
It's that time of week again. I am in the shower.
The bathroom is ordering a #2 from my ass...
I'm makin a donation to the uranation station!
It's that time of the year again!!!-I'm in the shower-
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO QRSTUVWXYZ
If your wondering where the P is... its about to run down my leg in a second.
I am not here I'm on the potty, but don't leave if you're a hotty.
I'm in a foreign land far far away... Oh wait, this is just the bathroom.
Sorry I'm not here at my computer at the present moment, but I am on the toilet. If you would like to come over and bring me some toilet paper that would be greatly appreciated.
The average person goes to the bathroom 6 times per day. This is one of those times.
Rubber Ducky, your the one, you make my bath time so much fun! In case you didn't get the picture, I am in the shower.
Eating
|E|a|t|i|n|g| my anti drug
Food makes life mmmmm mmmmm better!
I'm getting my tummy refill right now, I will be back when it is full.
Transitive Property of Food:
Me = Human
Human = Eat Food
Me = Eat Food
I'm away eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner. if your smart, you'll figure out which one it is.
I'm single-handily trying to free the world of hunger, starting with myself.
Filling my tummy with something very yummy.
I would talk to you but my mom told me to never talk with my mouth full.
My stomach is growling and I'm answering.
Hunger has driven man to insanity, today it has driven me from my computer.
Cleaning
I'm cleaning my room right now. Help! The giant dust bunnies are attacking!
I've been hypnotized by the washing machine.
Stuffing my stuff under my bed...
I'm drowning in laundry. Please call a lifeguard.
I have to clean my room because my computer is somewhere under my bed.
I am on a quest to the deepest darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
My clothes need to bathe.
Getting dizzy, getting dizzy, watchin the clothes go round and round...
Cleaning my room, I'll be back in a few weeks.
In my room cleaning up the mess Hurricane [YOUR NAME] left behind. It is quite a mess so please be patient because it may take a while.
Mom's love to clean. My mom loves to make me clean.
Help! I'm caught somewhere between spin cycle and rinse. Ahhh!
I'm doing laundry now, got to get rid of this lipstick stain from last night before my wife finds out.
Sorry, but my sock attempted to kill my underwear with its smell. So I'm trying to drown my sock in the washing machine.
TV
|T|e|l|e|v|i|s|i|o|n| my anti drug
My eyes are glued to the tube, but after I unpeel them, I'll be back.
Sorry, something more interesting than you is on television right now.
I'm rotting in front of the television.
Don't go away! I'll be right back at the next commercial break.
Let me be. I'm with the TV.
Shhhh... I'm watching a movie.
Sometimes my mom says if you sit too close to the TV your eyes will go bad. So I decided since my eyes are already bad sitting too close to the TV will make them better.
Living my life through a magical box. It's much better than real life, and everyone always says something funny right before the commercial.
Excercise is good for you so that's what I'm doing. I'm walking from the computer to the TV.
If they say TV's so bad for you then why do they have one in every hospital room?
My eyes got tired from looking at the computer monitor so they are resting looking at the TV. When they get tierd of looking at the TV, I will return.
I was hungry so I went to the movies to get some popcorn.
Funny
Hello, you have reached the automated answering service for [YOUR SCREEN NAME] , your message will be answered to in the order in which it was recieved, your message is number 8,243, please hold, your message is important to me.
I am not available because I am watching a pornographic film that takes up the whole screen.
I'm not here right now, so cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it.
This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is dumbass cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat. Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top. Betcha you can't resist passing it on.
If you are the phone/internet company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking!
I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up the whole screen. Leave a message and I'll respond as soon as I can't win the game anymore.
Let's discuss right and left... you're right, I left!
Figureing out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop
SO...the elephant says to the camel "why do you have 2 boobs on your back?" the camel replies "that's a pretty stupid question coming from someone who has a dick on their face"
A·way (a-wae) adj. Absent; Distant, as in space or time. ... I am: Away. Not available... doing something else.... not at the computer... unable to assist you... ignorant of your attempts to contact me... just simply Not Here! (duh!) :-P
I can't think of a good away message.
See the little yellow notepad next to my name moron, it means I'm not here, so feel free to continue having a conversation with nobody....
I'm off to find myself, if I return before I come back, please tell myself to wait.
I'm trying to get a life... How much do they cost?
If practice makes perfect... Why practice if nobody's perfect?
%n's village just called. Their idiot is missing.
Computer- $899 internet provider- $19.95 a month messenger service -free an away message from me - Priceless
Ahhh I'm running after the bad guy who took my pack of Skittles..... I worked hard for that pack..... Ahhh he's eating them!!! Now he's throwing them at me.... Call 911!!!
Fell out my chair... This could take a while.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
If you think life is bad..... How would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. You only get eaten once. It takes four minutes to get hard. Only two minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys!! But worst of all...the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!!! So cheer up, your life isn't that bad!!!!
You want to know something pathetic yet funny, You actually taking the time to read my extremely boring message. (thats the pathetic part). The funny part is that I'm sitting in front of the computer screen ...laughing.
Hey %n, be back after you sign off!!
Leave me a message and I'll get back to you, leave me a sexy message and I'll get back to you sooner
US women control the men in society today... if they piss us off, we kick them in the nuts and they are laying on the ground crying!!
M-16-$3,000 BLACK MASK-$20 TICKETS TO BARNEY-$11 KILLING THE BIG PURPLE GAY DINOSAUR-PRICELESS
Taking the marshmellows out of the lucky charms bbl
Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
Dont play hard to get... play to get me hard :)
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
My dog ate my away message.
It is %t, do you know where you parents are?
%n is a stalker.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, Jack got high unzipped his fly and said, do you wanna? Jill said yes and dropped her dress and then they had some fun.. Stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son named %n.
1 little piggy went to market 2 little piggy stayed home 3 little piggy had roat beef 4 little piggy had none... and this little piggy is away from the computer right now and will get back to you when he/she is done!
The YOUR SCREEN NAME Show will be back after a message from our sponsor. So stay tuned!
I'm out trick-or-treating on the highway dressed as a deer.
I'm out trick-or-treating in Manhanntan as Bin Ladin.
Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.
My Computer lost my away message.
You have just recieved the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers and probly don't have computer viruses, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for you cooperation.
If you want to know where I am call a psychic! If you're too lazy to do that just leave me a message!
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you...
Only fools leave away messages.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the net and he won't bother you for weeks.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count. Which of the three are you?
If life gives you lemons, throw them at some one!
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but %n abuses the privilege.
The Village called and said they were looking for %n. They're missing their Idiot.
%n, it's ok, half the people in the world are below average too.
Oh dear! Looks like %n fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!
I'm bored, your boring, so don't leave a message.
Listen %n, if I wanted to talk to you, I would be here wouldn't I?
All the idiots of the world have surronded one computer... yours.
I obviously don't want to talk to you right now, so leave a message and I'll be sure to ignore it.
I'm obviously doing something more important than you.
If a thousand people love you, I am in that thousand. If a hundred people love you, I am in that hundred. If ten people love you I am in that ten. If only one person loves you, you guessed it, that person is me! Ahh... sorry.. as of right now, I am not here. You know what that means!
I'm not here right now because I'm waiting for %n to get offline.
Life
A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Common sense is the most uncommon thing in the world.
Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway.
If you cannot solve it, it is not a problem - it is reality.
It is never tommorrow.
There are two times I feel stress-- day and night.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Everyone needs a chance in something, it's just that some people need to let that happen.
Life is too short to just sit around on the computer all day, so what are you doing on the computer?
Love
|L|o|v|e| my anti drug
You don't have to love in words, even through the silences love is always heard.
Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched but are felt in the heart.
It's ok to kiss a fool.
It's ok to let a fool kiss you.
But never let a kiss fool you.
I am picking up the pieces of my broken heart, it might be a while...
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for them.
If you're going my way, I'll walk with you.
Loving someone who doesn't love you back is like reaching for a star, you know you'll never make it but you just have to keep trying.
I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life, wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do, I'm sorry I just can't help myself, I fell in love with you.
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
No man is worth your tears and the only one who is will never make you cry.
You can fall from the sky.
You can fall from a tree.
But the best way to fall.
Is in love with me.
What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Don't settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without.
Work
|H|o|m|e|w|o|r|k| my anti drug
|W|o|r|k|i|n|g| my anti drug
Beleeve it or not i am aktually at klass tyring two git meself en edumacation.....lev a msage?
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Just think... if you were my homework I would be doing you right now..
To steal ideas from one person, would be plagiarism, to steal ideas from many is called research.
It's okay for students to ask dumb questions; they're easier to handle than dumb mistakes.
Don't judge a book by it's movie.
I am working hard... or am I hardly working?
I'm starting to question this whole college thing, nobody told me that I actually have to go to class...
I think of class as nap time with background noise.
Too bad your not my homework or I'd be doing yo on my desk right now
Education is what you get from reading the fine print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
Math and alcohol, don't mix. Please don't drink and derive.
The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
I am studying, which is something that you should be doing.
Talent does what it can. Genius does what it must. I do what I get paid for.
If your name was "Homework" I'd have you spread out on my bed doin' you right now.
I hate going to the bathroom right after the cleaning lady finishes cleaning the toilets. I always feel like I'm ruining her hard work. It just feels really disrespectful.
I am working, which is something that you should be doing.
I always give 100% at work:
13% Monday
22% Tuesday
26% Wednesday
35% Thursday
4% Friday
If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
Hi ho, hi ho.. off to work I go.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances?
Work fascinates me, I can look at it for hours!
Sleep
I'm spending some quality time with my pillow.
The cow goes moo, The sheep goes baaa. The duck goes quack, and I go Zzzzzzzzz.
I'm sleeping at the moment...so do the right thing and leave a message.
Now I lay down in my bed, I pray the Lord protect my head. For if out of my bed I fell, My head would hurt and start to swell.
I never have any time to get any work done... I am taking a nap now, so leave a message.
I am always confused when people ask me did you sleep good? I always wonder if they want me to say no, I made a few mistakes.
If sleeping paid....Then I would be getting paid right now.
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...", but for now, it is the best of times because I am in temporary bliss. My dream world known as sleep. I leave this on so as to wake up to a message from %n(their screen name).
The Lord has called me to my bed so that I may rest my weary head. when the stars go off to sleep and the sun begins to peep, that is when we'll meet again. until that time, goodnight dear friend.
I'm testing out my pillow right now...it's probably going to take awhile so leave a quiet message and I'll get back to you later with the results.
What's the question you can never answer yes to? Are you sleeping? Well if you're reading this right now then you probably want to ask me that. So here it is....Yes, I am sleeping.
Shhhh quiet. I'm Sleeping!
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